


Jealousy

by chinateacup



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Aromantic Asahina Aoi, Background Fujisaki Chihiro, Background Maizono Sayaka, Background Tanaka Gundham, Bisexual Owada Mondo, Enoshima Junko Being An Asshole, First Crush, Friends to Lovers, Gay Ishimaru Kiyotaka, He/Him Pronouns for Fujisaki Chihiro, M/M, Pining, everyone worked out taka had a crush on mondo before he did, ishimondo centred, makoto and kirigiri are implied bc they're mad cute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29390547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chinateacup/pseuds/chinateacup
Summary: Mondo Owada had a girlfriend. She was perfectly nice, and pretty, and it was obvious how well the new couple were already clicking. They made a very good match indeed, and any friend of Mondo's would have been thrilled for him.So why did Taka feel like he wanted to cry?
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka & Naegi Makoto, Ishimaru Kiyotaka & Oowada Mondo, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo, Kirigiri Kyoko & Naegi Makoto, Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto
Comments: 28
Kudos: 107





	1. First Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> So my last fic was very dramatic and emotional. This one is more easy going. I had the idea of Mondo getting a girlfriend when replaying the game, and wondered what Taka's reaction would be, which turned into this! I'm not sure I'm as happy with it as I was with my last one, but anyways, please enjoy the first chapter of Taka being very Clueless and Dumb!
> 
> (Also Mondo's gf is an OC because I'm very bad at multi-shipping. I usually just latch on to one ship per character and get too attached to think of another. For that I am very sorry.)

Mondo had a girlfriend.

That fact should… not have distressed Taka as much as it did.

They had been only on four dates. It wasn’t as if he was keeping track; it just happened that Mondo would always mention them to him beforehand, and Taka would wish him luck and give him a few words of encouragement. After his substantial ‘losing streak’ regarding asking out the girls he liked, completing a successful date, even to the extent that she accepted a second, third and fourth, had filled Mondo with an easy confidence Taka had never seen in him before. It wasn’t that the gang leader was previously shy, far from it. But he seemed more… relaxed in himself afterwards. He smiled a little wider, his eyes a little calmer. Not like he was constantly on guard or putting on airs. 

And Taka had been thrilled for him, as any kyoudai would be. It was about time Mondo realised what a catch he was! Not that Taka hadn’t tried to make him see that himself, but there were certain things that only girls could do, he supposed. It hadn’t troubled him at all a few short days ago.

So why was it, that when he had asked Mondo if he was busy that weekend, he felt a lump in his throat when the word ‘girlfriend’ left his lips?

Taka took a second to exhale sharply, collecting himself with a blink. “Ah, I’m sorry, kyoudai?”

“I said I’m hangin’ out with my girlfriend,” Mondo repeated himself, smirking. He had his backpack slung over one shoulder, and the moment the pair set foot off school grounds, his hand dived into his pocket to replace the gold earrings that Taka had made him take out earlier. Taka felt himself scowl, and Mondo grinned. “What? School day’s over. And ya can’t dress code me if we’re not on campus.”

“Yes, very clever. I suspect you’re terribly proud of yourself.”

“Oh, terribly.” Mondo parroted in a weak imitation of Taka’s voice as they started to walk together, surrounded by other students on their way home. If it was anybody else, he would have been insulted, but the gentle smile on Mondo’s face proved there was no malice behind it. “Anyways, she’s got this art thingie in town she wants to go to. I dunno a thing about it.”

Taka perked up. “You mean the event at the museum? The pop-up gallery?”

Mondo groaned. “Ugh, there’s two of ya… yeah, that’s the one. She’s nuts about that kinda stuff. Think she’s goin’ to art school sometime.”

“I see.” An artist? She did sound like an interesting person. Perhaps she’d finally convince him to enter his carpentry into some local competitions… But they had only been on four dates! When did she become his girlfriend? Why hadn’t Mondo told him straight away when she did? “Did the two of you meet through your artwork?”

Mondo looked at him a little strangely, before barking a laugh. “Oh, hell no! Her stuff is way out of my league, trust me. She’s got proper oil paints and equipment n’ shit.” Taka was about to retort that tools didn’t make art any more or less valuable, when Mondo continued. “So are you goin’ to that thing too? The gallery?”

Taka winced. “Ah, no. It’s an exclusive event, and…” Therefore an expensive one. Mondo hummed, getting his meaning. “Besides, the tickets are probably sold out.”

“That sucks,” his friend muttered, before there was an arm slung around his shoulders heavily, and Mondo was looking at him with that dazzling smile. “Well, I’ll just have to take a shit ton of photos for ya to make up for it!”

Taka laughed lightly, elbowing his side. “I’m fairly certain they won’t allow photography at the exhibit. Besides, won’t you be busy on your date?”

Mondo grumbled something about ‘stingy bastards’, which Taka assumed referred to the organiser who wrote that particular rule, before shaking his head. “Nah, man, it’d be good. Saya’s cool with that shit.”

“Saya?”

“Well, her name’s actually Sayaka,” he muttered, chuckling. “Which obviously would’ve been weird as fuck and Leon would probably kill me.”

Saya and Mondo. It had a nice ring to it, Taka supposed. “She sounds wonderful.”

“Yeah dude, Saya’s the coolest!” Mondo said with a grin. “Hey, I’m actually meeting up with her now if you wanna come with?”

“Oh, I… I’m afraid I’m busy tonight. I have a lot of homework.” That came out of nowhere. Taka didn’t have homework, he’d finished all that in his free periods. Why was he lying?

“Just stop by and introduce yourself real quick. It’s only a tiny detour from your place,” Mondo nudged him, squeezing his shoulder. “You don’t gotta be nervous, bro, she’s gonna love ya!”

“A-Alright.” 

They walked in silence, the number of students around them dwindling, which granted Taka the quiet he needed to think. Mondo’s encouragements did nothing to quell whatever was turning his stomach. Was it that he was nervous? He did have a history of making a poor first impression on people, but he’d noticed those people tended to be other men… Taka often got on well with his female peers. Apart from Celestia, who was very selective with her friends, Toko, who only really cared about Togami, and Junko, who the others assured him was always to be taken as the exception, not the rule. 

He certainly knew which of them he preferred. Celestia and Toko were not intentionally cruel to Taka, but Junko often was, and her rhetorical questions were just a little too accurate for his liking. ‘Why do you look so sad? Are you thinking about how if you weren’t such a freak you might have more friends?’ ‘Why do you wait till everyone else has their lunch before getting yours? Oh, are you embarrassed because you’re on that free meal program like a bum?’ ‘So do you cling to that biker guy so much because you’re scared he’ll abandon you some day? Because I could totally see him doing that!’ 

He shuddered a little.

Enoshima aside, most of the other girls seemed to have liked Taka fine upon their first meeting; Sayaka, Hina, Sakura, Kyoko... Or at the very least, they weren’t openly hostile and rude like the boys were. Maybe they felt the same way and just felt more compelled to hide it? It was entirely possible they… didn’t like him any more than the others did to begin with. Did they even like him now? What if they had just been polite to him, and Taka had been making a fool out of himself this whole time by mistaking their kindness for friendship?

“Hey.” A voice tugged him from his thoughts, and a strong hand was on his back. Mondo looked down at him with concerned eyes. “Are ya good? You were breathin’ all funny.”

“I… sorry, kyoudai.” Taka smiled, and hoped it was convincing. “I was just thinking.”

Mondo gave him a look that implied he knew something he didn’t. “You don’t have to meet her if you don’t wanna.”

“No, I want to!” Taka nodded resolutely. “As your kyoudai, it’s only right that I meet the object of your affections!”

Mondo laughed. “How about we just call her my girlfriend, yeah?”

“Yes. Your girlfriend. Of course.” Taka didn’t like how the words tasted. Why did he feel so uneasy? He wanted to plug his fingers in his ears and pretend that the poor woman didn’t even exist. What a horrible thing to feel about someone he didn’t even know! It didn’t make any sense!

“Hey, speak of the devil,” Mondo’s hand left Taka’s back to wave at a figure stood outside a convenience store, energy drink in one hand, scrolling through her phone with the other. “Yo, Saya!”

The woman’s head snapped up, and she grinned. “Hey, Mon! How’s it going?” Her lips were painted black, which made her smile look startlingly bright. Her eyes were large and round, with blue irises and long, dark lashes. Light hair fell in ringlets around her shoulders, framing her face nicely. Taka thought she was pretty. 

“It’s goin’,” was Mondo’s flat response as they approached. “School’s kickin’ my ass.”

“Oh yeah?” Saya nodded in Taka’s direction. “Is that why you kidnapped the hall monitor? Dude, blink twice if he’s holding you hostage.” Taka felt himself blush lightly, and Saya cackled. “I’m just kidding, man, don’t look so scared! You must be Ishimaru. I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

She stuck out her hand to shake, and Taka blinked down at it, before a supportive hand between his shoulder blades shocked him back into reality. “Hell yeah, he is.” Mondo confirmed proudly. 

“I-I’m Kiyotaka Ishimaru!” Taka said, shaking her hand and delivering his usual stiff introduction. “I am a student at Hope’s Peak Academy. You may call me Taka.”

“Awesome! I’m Sayaka. It’s great to finally meet you, Taka.” Saya gave him a friendly smile. “You’re the Ultimate Moral Compass, right? Bet this guy gave you a real run for your money, eh?” Mondo snorted beside him. 

“Initially, he did,” Taka replied smoothly. “I am convinced that he aimed to break every single rule the school had simply to provoke me.”

“I mean, you ain’t wrong,” Mondo muttered, smirking.

“However, he has since proved himself to be an incredibly loyal friend,” Taka assured Saya quickly. “Mondo is a fantastic kyoudai, and I’m sure he shall be a fantastic boyfriend to you as well!”

Mondo coloured at that, and Saya laughed shortly. “Well, you’ll be glad to hear he’s doing just fine so far. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Jesus, you two gonna be gangin’ up on me all the time now?” Mondo looked between them, cheeks pink, and Saya punched his arm playfully.

“Only in your best interests, right Taka?”

“Yes, of course! I’d never be intentionally cruel to you, kyoudai!”

Saya chuckled at that, and patted Taka’s arm. “I think me and you are gonna get on just fine.” 

She was so nice. Saya’s personality was so open and easy going, and judging by how she already felt comfortable touching Taka, she was no stranger to physical affection. She had lovely eyes, and a pretty smile, and soft, gentle features. She and Mondo made a handsome couple. They were an excellent match. 

Taka suddenly wanted to curl up and die.

“I should go,” he said in his usual tone. Thankfully his voice didn’t crack.

“Yeah, you got that homework, right?” Mondo asked, hands on his hips. “Don’t overwork yourself, ya hear? If the sun’s not up, you ain’t studyin’. That’s the rule, remember?”

It was a rule of Mondo’s own creation, and one he was rather smug to have thought of. Taka had to admit it did help him to find a place to stop, however he feared it would prove much less helpful come the summer months when the sun didn’t set till night time. 

“Of course,” was all he said out loud. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Sayaka.”

“Same here, buddy!” Saya grinned, offering him a salute that he returned out of habit. “You can call me Saya though.”

“I can? But we only just met.”

“You’re my boyfriend’s best friend, dude, you can call me whatever!” Her boyfriend. Taka wanted to cry. “Besides, I’m already calling you by a nickname, so…”

“I see. That is an excellent point.” Taka nodded stiffly. “In that case, good evening Saya! Good evening, kyoudai!”

“Later, bro,” Mondo ruffled his hair, and Taka smiled at the contact, as if he hadn’t been on the brink of tears moments ago. 

He turned on his heel and left the couple alone to talk back to his complex. What on earth was the matter with him? Was he really such an awful friend that seeing Mondo with a girlfriend made him feel physically ill? That could not be normal.

Taka couldn’t be the only person in Mondo’s life that made him happy; that would be a selfish idea, not to mention extremely unhealthy! Depending on one person for all your emotional needs would be practically abusive! Yes, Mondo was his closest friend, but he had many others that made him very happy in various different ways. And the same was true for Mondo! He could talk about sports and music with Leon in a way he couldn’t with Taka. And he knew him and Chihiro had certain… emotional conversations about shared issues only they could help each other with.

Taka had never felt this way when Mondo spent time with them, so why was Saya any different? Surely it wasn’t because she was a woman? Taka considered himself a feminist but… perhaps he had some unconscious bias? Then again, he didn’t feel this way when Mondo and Sakura began training together. That wasn’t it either.

Taka glanced behind him as he walked, to see Mondo and Saya going the opposite direction. His arm was around her shoulders. Taka’s chest hurt.

Something was definitely wrong with him.

The library was quiet the next morning, and reasonably empty. Most students had classes first period, for which Taka was grateful. He often used this time to refresh himself on the previous day’s work, or perhaps get a hard start on the topic they would be starting in their next lesson. This morning, however, Taka was only focused on the spikey tufts of brown hair that were poking up from behind a book in the corner. He approached the couch he was sat at, and announced his presence before he could lose his nerve. As one of the most popular of his peers, Makoto had much more experience with social interaction than he did; surely he would be able to help with his predicament. 

“Good morning, Naegi!”

Makoto raised his head at his name, and brightened. “Hey, Taka! How’s it going?”

Taka returned his smile, the other’s pleased expression quelling yesterday’s anxieties just a little. Your friends do not secretly hate you, Kiyotaka, you’re just not used to being liked yet. “I’m doing well overall, thank you. But I... was hoping to discuss something with you. If you’re not too busy?”

“No, I’m not busy.” Makoto closed the book, and Taka was pleased to see it was one of the textbooks he was responsible for distributing at the start of the year. “I’ve told you before though, you can call me my first name,” he continued as Taka sat on the cushion beside him. “We’re friends, right?”

“Yes, of course we are!” He cried, and somebody shushed. He felt himself blush as Makoto stifled a chuckle. “S-Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he waved it off, giving Taka’s shoulder a comforting pat. “What did you wanna talk about?”

Taka fidgeted with his hands in his lap. He couldn’t quite look his friend in the eye. “I assume you’ve heard that Mondo has a girlfriend.” 

Makoto laughed shortly. “Heard? An hour ago, Leon practically announced it to the whole class once he convinced him she was real. Her name’s Sayaka, right?”

“Yes,” Taka confirmed. “However, Mondo and I call her Saya.”

“Yeah, that’s probably smart. I can see how that could get confusing,” he smirked a little. “So you’ve met her?”

“Just yesterday, yes.”

“Is that what you wanna talk about?” Makoto frowned, suddenly concerned. “Do you think she’s bad for him or something?”

Taka blinked, alarmed. “No—!” He began exclaiming, before remembering his volume and speaking softer. “No, I don’t think that. She’s perfectly nice. She’s an artist, which is something they have in common, though Mondo would never admit he was one. She’s... very pretty also. I believe they’re well matched.”

Makoto was nodding, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “Then what’s the problem?”

Taka stared down at his hands. His chin was almost against his chest. He was ashamed. “I’m not happy.” 

There was a pause. “About Saya?”

“I don’t know.” Taka chewed his bottom lip. He always told Mondo not to do the same, yet here he was. “I... when Mondo called her his girlfriend, and when I saw them together, I felt...”

“Sad?”

“Yes. But mainly ill.” 

Makoto hummed something. Taka was still looking at his lap, but he imagined the boy was stroking his chin in thought; a habit he had picked up from spending so much time with Kyoko. It was touching.

“It could be you’re just not used to the idea yet,” Makoto suggested. “Mondo’s been single for as long as you’ve known him, and you’re kind of a creature of habit.” 

Taka bit the inside of his cheek. That was true, he had never been a fan of change. Perhaps it really was just something that hadn’t sunk in yet.

“Or,” Makoto continued. “Maybe you’re worried that Mondo isn’t gonna be able to spend as much time with you now he’s got a girlfriend. Or that he’s gonna like you less because he’s got her to like now.” 

Something clenched in Taka’s gut. He... he hadn’t even considered that! Oh God, that was possible. That was very possible. How could he not have thought of it sooner!? 

No. Not here. Stay on task.

“I-I don’t think that’s what made me feel sick.” He stammered, voice shaking slightly. Makoto’s last suggestion frightened him more than he cared to admit.

“I don’t know what else it could be,” Makoto said sympathetically, placing a hand on his back. “Unless, of course...”

Taka blinked at him, head snapping up. Did he have it? “Unless what?”

“Unless the reason that seeing them together made you feel so sick was because...” Makoto’s lips twisted as he thought. “You could be jealous.”

Taka felt his face flush a brilliant red. “J-Jealous?” He repeated, almost scandalised, before whispering the next part loudly since his immediate instinct was to shout. “I’m supposed to be the Ultimate Moral Compass! I shouldn’t get jealous!”

“You’ve never been jealous?” Makoto gave him a doubtful look. “Not even when you were a kid and someone had a cooler toy on the playground or something?”

Taka flinched, before bringing a hand to his face to start biting his thumbnail. “I guess I’ve been envious in the past of those who have friends... and sometimes of my peers’ wealth...” He sank down in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees. “But this wasn’t like that. I’ve never felt anything like this.”

“Because you’re older now.” Makoto looked vaguely embarrassed. “You’re starting to think about... other stuff? Like, more than friend stuff? I think that when you saw them together, you were jealous of what they had.”

“So you’re saying the reason I wasn’t happy for Mondo is because I’d like a girlfriend myself?”

“Um...” He looked like he wanted to say something more, but instead pressed his lips together tightly. “I’m saying that you might be starting to get crushes, and you just didn’t realise until you saw Mondo with Saya. Which is totally fine, by the way,” Makoto added quickly.

Taka paled. “Y-You don’t think I have a crush on Saya, do you!?”

“What? No, of course not! You just met her yesterday!”

Taka panicked, unconvinced. “But I said she was very pretty! And I liked her! I thought she was an interesting person!”

“That doesn’t mean you have a crush on her!” Makoto sighed, shaking his head. “You don’t have to have a crush on someone just because you think that. You can say that stuff about a friend easy.”

Taka’s hands fisted in his lap. “Then how do I know if I do have one?”

Makoto laughed awkwardly. “You know, if... you like someone different than other people. If you wanna hug them and hold their hand, and, um, kiss them and stuff. Then it’s a crush.” 

Taka thought for a moment about hugging Saya, holding her hand. Hm, he wasn’t exactly comfortable touching someone he barely knew so openly. And as for the third thing... imagining that just made him feel odd.

He exhaled. “Thank goodness. It would be truly disastrous if I had a crush on my best friend’s girlfriend.” 

Makoto chuckled, though Taka thought it sounded forced. “Yep. Sure would be.” He glanced down at Taka’s watch. “It’s almost second period, by the way.”

“Ah!” How could he have lost track of time? Goodness, if just discussing crushes had him this distracted, how would he be whenever he actually got one? “Thank you for this talk, Makoto,” he said, standing and picking up his bag. 

“No problem,” Makoto scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry I couldn’t be more help.”

“Not at all,” Taka gave him a wide smile and bowed slightly. “I’ve found this conversation very enlightening! I hope you have a productive morning!”

“Yeah. Same to you, Taka.” Makoto returned the smile, and Taka marched out of the library, trying to ignore the pity he had seen in the luckster’s eyes, the way his heart still pounded when he thought of Mondo and Saya. Hugging, and holding hands, and… kissing… 

His lip curled at the image, guilt weighing down on his shoulders. He was a terrible friend to feel such a confusing flurry of negative emotions at his bro’s newfound relationship.

What on Earth did it all mean?

Makoto released a long sigh, closing his eyes shut, before opening them when he felt someone sit back beside him. “What was that about?” Kyoko had her arms folded against her chest, arching a brow in his direction. 

“Oh, hey, Kyoko!” Makoto folded his own arms to mirror her. “What do you mean?”

“You and Taka seemed deep in conversation,” she elaborated, a hand holding her chin. “And when he left, he walked right past me without a greeting, which is especially out of character. Did you have an argument?” 

“No, nothing like that.” Makoto chose his words carefully, wondering what exactly he could say before he revealed too much personal information on the hall monitor’s behalf. “He was just anxious about the whole Mondo having a girlfriend thing. I think he’s really uncomfortable about it.”

Kyoko simply nodded in understanding. “And what did you tell him?”

“I told him he might be jealous,” he said, before chuckling quietly. “But I don’t think he got what I meant. Maybe I should have been more clear…”

There was a brief pause between them, where Kyoko had her eyes shut, thinking. Makoto simply watched, knowing that behind that calm expression her mind was turning frantically like a hamster wheel. And Makoto should know; Gundham sat right behind him in Math, which just so happened to be exactly the time when Cham-P needed his daily exercise. He had tried to ask him to move the hamster’s schedule around, but Gundham had looked so appalled at the idea that Makoto had immediately dropped it. When you could actually work out what the heck he was trying to say, it was obvious the guy’s animals meant the world to him. Makoto didn’t want to upset any of his classmates. Even the ones who were particularly… ‘eccentric’.

“It’s not our place to say.” Kyoko said finally. Her voice was quiet. “There are some conclusions that he can only come to by himself. We should not interfere any further.”

Makoto stared at her a little dumbly. She was still talking about Taka here, wasn’t she? Wait… “Do you—? Do you know?” 

She opened her eyes. “Do I know what, Makoto?”

“I think you know.”

“What do I know?”

“I can’t say unless I know you know.”

“Well, then neither can I.”

“Fine then.”

“Fine.”

The pair sat in silence for a moment, and Makoto felt himself blush when Kyoko smiled. “I believe you would make an excellent detective, Makoto Naegi.”

His blush darkened as he gave a nervous laugh, holding his hands up defensively. “I-I really don’t think so! I’m not cut out for that kind of thing!” Besides, he thought briefly, you don’t exactly need to be a detective to work out the real source of Taka’s unhappiness. 

And it definitely wasn’t a crush on ‘Saya’.


	2. Valentine pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's Day calls for a Valentine's chapter! I have never written for Mukuro or Junko before, so I'm sorry if she's OOC at all. Hope you like reading regardless!

After his insightful discussion with Makoto, early the next morning, Taka felt he had a plan to combat these new feelings.

He was jealous of Mondo’s newfound relationship because he wanted one for himself and simply hadn’t realised it. It was a selfish reaction, however clearly an unconscious one, and not something Taka felt he should feel too much guilt for. Of course, that was easier said than done…

Regardless, Makoto made it evident that as the simplest explanation, it must be the case. So all Taka needed to do was find a girl who liked him, acquire a relationship of his own, and then he would no longer feel as though he would rather walk across a bed of nails than see Mondo’s arm around his girlfriend. Simple!

The only issue, he wondered in the privacy of his dorm, was that there weren’t any girls who liked him. At least, none that he knew of. On the few occasions anybody had showed an interest in the past, he had either turned them down flat, or been so socially inept that he didn’t even realise what they were asking until months later! 

Taka sat heavily at his desk, resting his face against a fist. He could have kicked himself. Why had refused to accept those girls’ confessions? If he had accepted at least one, maybe they would be together now, and he could be happy for his kyoudai instead of stupidly envious. Yes, it was true that he genuinely hadn’t returned any of those girls’ feelings, but… he could have learned to in time… maybe. 

Chewing his lip, Taka opened his notebook and scribbled down a list in pencil. His classmates were the closest girls to him, and he knew all of them very well after two years at Hope’s Peak. If he was to have a crush, it would only be logical to choose one of them! At least then he knew what he was getting into in terms of a relationship. 

‘Kyoko. Toko. Junko. Mukuro. Celeste. Sayaka (Maizono). Hina. Sakura.’

Immediately, Junko and Toko’s names were crossed out. Taka could barely imagine either of them as a friend, let alone a girlfriend. Celeste’s name followed, as well as Kyoko’s; the former struck him as duplicitous, and he was fairly certain that Makoto and Kyoko were practically an item already. Sayaka was next. She was intelligent, popular, beautiful. Almost every boy in the school must have a crush on her… Taka didn’t think he did. 

That left Mukuro, Hina and Sakura. 

He let out a groan, head flopping forward onto the desk with a hollow bonk. This wasn’t the way it should be done, was it? People didn’t meticulously plan out their romantic feelings, they simply had them. Why couldn’t Taka do that? Was he broken? 

God, this made him think of one Valentine’s Day in middle school. Another boy got very upset with him when he couldn’t understand why the other was so sad not to receive any chocolates. Taka didn’t get any either, and it hadn’t bothered him at all. The boy spent the rest of the year calling him ‘Tinman Taka’, which he was especially glad wasn’t one that stuck. Though he did commend the insult’s creativity; most students simply used whatever slur they felt was appropriate that day.

Wait.

Valentine’s Day! That was today! In all the confusion, Taka had completely forgotten. That was most unbecoming of him… Valentine’s was one of his busiest days as hall monitor, what with every couple in the entire school insisting on extremely public displays of affection. It was difficult enough for Taka to separate them any other day; on Valentine’s, everyone acted like he was some kind of monster for doing so. 

“What the fuck, Taka? Can’t you just leave us alone for one day?”

As he was currently remembering.

Taka sighed. “No PDA in the halls, Leon. As I have reminded you many times before.”

Leon grit his teeth, and Sayaka rolled her eyes, swatting his arm. “He means he’s sorry, Taka. I should be going anyway. I have a rehearsal fifth period.” She gave them both a quick nod, smiling fondly. “See you after school, Leon. Later, Taka!”

“Hey, wait, babe –!” Leon called after her, but her head was already lost in the sea of students. He growled. “Shit, do you get off making us all miserable or something?”

Taka twitched. “No, of course I don’t.”

“So take a day off being a dick for once, and then maybe someone would actually like –!”

“Jesus Kuwata, would ya shut the fuck up?” Taka jumped at the new presence behind his shoulder. Mondo crossed his arms, glaring down at Leon. “He’s just doing his fucking job. No one wants to see you play tongue-hockey against the lockers like a perv.”

Leon groaned. “Man, no offense, but you were a lot cooler before the hall monitor started training you up.”

“I’m standing right here,” Taka said, at the same time Mondo exclaimed, “I ain’t a fuckin’ dog!”

“Whatever,” Leon stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Happy Valentine’s, you two,” he grumbled as he sauntered off. “Don’t go too wild on each other tonight.”

“Fucking asshole,” Mondo muttered under his breath in response, glancing Taka up and down. “You okay, bro?”

“Yes,” Taka replied stiffly, adjusting his blazer. “But I did not need your assistance. I have quite a bit of experience in this area.”

“I know,” Mondo shrugged. “But he was pissin’ me off and I wanted to hang out with you. I didn’t see ya at all yesterday.”

Yes, because Taka had been avoiding him on purpose. “Sorry, kyoudai. I was very busy.”

“What else is new?” He grinned as Taka started to enter his locker combination. “You got any Valentine's Day plans? Other than a hot date with ya homework?”

“I have no plans.” He retrieved his textbooks, stuffing them into his school bag and taking the longest possible pause he could before he had to ask as well. “Are you meeting with your girlfriend?”

“Nah,” Mondo said, surprising him. “Saya’s outta town this week. Clearly, I’m not as popular as you are on Valentine's.” His voice had a playful tone, and his grin turned goofy. 

Taka smirked. “It has been a few years since I last received chocolates. But it doesn’t trouble me. I’ve never had anyone in particular I’d like to gift me any.”

A beat passed. “Uh, dude?” A hand stopped him from closing his locker, reaching inside to pull out a small box. Taka didn’t think to chastise Mondo for touching someone’s belongings without their permission, as his eyes scanned over the clear cellophane, revealing several chocolate hearts inside. There was a note on top, handwritten in block capitals. 

‘For Ishimaru – Happy Valentine’s Day.’

“Wow, no signature? Somebody’s got a secret admirer~” Mondo said in a sing-song tone, jabbing Taka’s side. His eyebrows waggled in way that would have Taka laugh, if he wasn’t so busy absorbing this new information. 

“How did this get into my locker?” Was the first thing out of his mouth. 

Mondo blinked. “Who cares about that? Kyoudai, we gotta find out who this is!”

“We do?” Taka frowned. “But they didn’t sign their name. Doesn’t that show they would rather remain anonymous?”

“Uh…” The taller man scratched the back of his neck as they made their way to homeroom. “I guess, but… she’s your secret admirer! Ain’t you curious about who it is?”

“There’s no need to jump to conclusions,” Taka insisted. “It could be a practical joke. Or from a friend who simply forgot to sign their name.”

“Why would a friend sneak it into your locker instead of just givin’ it to ya? And what the fuck kinda shitty joke would that be?” Mondo looked disgusted, face fixed in a scowl that was even deeper than usual. “Did someone do that shit to you before?”

“Oh, no. I just… wouldn’t have been surprised if someone had.”

Mondo tutted, and patted his arm comfortingly. “Well, I don’t think it’s a joke,” he said, holding the door open for him. Chihiro, Leon and Makoto were already sat at their desks, as well as Kyoko. “Yo Chi, guess what? Taka’s got an admirer!”

“Mondo!” Taka hissed. “Don’t announce it to everyone!”

“Aw, someone gave you chocolates?” Chihiro squinted at the box when Taka placed it on his own desk. “Wow, pretty cute ones too!”

Makoto frowned at the note. “I don’t recognise the handwriting… they must have written it in capitals so it’s harder to tell. But good for you, Taka.”

Leon seemed disinterested, while Kyoko merely exchanged a glance with Makoto. That struck Taka as an interesting reaction.

Mondo read the note one more time. “I swear I’ve seen it before though. You think she’s in our class?”

“I don’t think it’s fair to be guessing their identity at all!” Taka exclaimed. He hoped he wasn’t blushing. “If they wanted me to know who it was from, then they would have left their name. Besides, it’s clear that they disguised their handwriting on purpose, so there’s no point even trying to work it out.”

“Work what out?” Junko’s nasal voice in the doorway made Taka’s blood run a little colder. God knows why the woman unnerved him so much, but she certainly did. She stood with her hands on her hips, Mukuro hovering awkwardly behind her like a fifth limb. “Ooh, did a girl send you chocolates, Taka? Someone wants to find a sinful side to the Moral Compass? You lucky boy!” She giggled, moving to his desk, and a perfectly manicured hand reached out to snatch the box. Mukuro stiffened.

Junko read the note once. Then twice, wrinkling her nose as she squinted down at the paper, before she erupted into screaming laughter, clutching the box to her stomach as she doubled over. “Are you serious, sis!? Oh my God, you actually are! Oh, this is just too fucking good!”

Mukuro’s face turned bright pink, hanging her head shamefully. “I…”

Taka stilled. It… it was Mukuro? Why would she want to play a prank on him? He hadn’t done anything to upset her, had…?

Oh God, look at her face. She was serious.

Junko was still cackling, while her sister looked very much like she wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole. “So what happened? You shoved down your crush on the lucky kid when he got with the detective, and picked some other loser to like at random? You think anybody would want to get a Valentine from you!? Even a total psycho nerd like this guy would rather be dead on the floor with his skull smashed in than be seen with you! Look at his face! He totally wants to die right now!”

Mukuro was extremely red, and Taka was acutely aware that he probably looked similar, looking between the sisters in confusion. 

“Shut your fuckin’ mouth, you crazy bitch!” Mondo erupted suddenly, snatching the chocolates out of Junko’s death grip. 

She giggled, pursing her lips in an expression Taka assumed was meant to be cute. On her, it just looked cruel. “Aw, is the big, strong man stepping up to defend my dear, sweet sister? Is that girlfriend of yours not fulfilling your needs? I thought you’d be all banged out by now with both her and your little sex doll to satisfy.” 

Her fingers waggled towards Taka, who stood abruptly. “That is enough, Enoshima!”

“Huh? So you’ll defend your boy-toy but not your secret admirer?” She laughed loudly, slapping her sister’s back. “Oops! Guess it’s not a secret any more though!”

Mukuro left the classroom quickly, her eyes wide and her lips pressed together so tightly they were white.

“Aw, what's wrong?” Junko stuck out her bottom lip. “Was it something I said?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Mondo spat. “That’s your fuckin’ sister!”

“Jeez, cool your jets, biker boy.” She smirked wickedly, and Taka could tell whatever she was about to say would be explosive. “You of all people know how families can fight. But I guess it’s easy to idealise those relationships when your only sibling is–”

“I said that is enough!” Taka placed himself firmly between them. He was too late. Mondo had already gotten her meaning, and a furious vein bulged in his neck, clenching his jaw so tightly Taka feared he would break his teeth. 

He considered his options briefly, before looking to his other classmates. They sat with their mouths agape, in stunned silence at the scene that just unfolded. 

“Sit down, Enoshima. I don’t mind where, as long as it’s far away from Mondo.” He pointed a finger at a desk in the far corner, and Junko squealed.

“Oho, getting all authoritative on me? Maybe sis is onto something here.”

“Sit down, and be quiet!” Taka repeated, ignoring how his cheeks were burning. If he felt this embarrassed over the situation, that poor girl must be mortified. 

Junko rolled her eyes, apparently bored now, and flopped into the desk sullenly. 

“Chihiro,” he motioned to Mondo, who was still trembling with rage and glaring daggers at Enoshima. “Talk him down for me, please. Make sure he doesn’t do anything reckless.”

“Sure thing.” The smaller boy stood, linking arms with the biker and squeezing. 

Mondo relaxed a little, and cleared his throat before nodding towards Taka. “…Should probably follow her. Do some damage control.” His voice was brittle, but Chihiro’s grip on him only tightened. The two of them were no strangers to Mondo’s temper tantrums, and the thing that seemed to ground him most was physical touch. Better he hugged them a little too snug than he started throwing punches.

“I agree, yes. Please inform the teacher that I will return shortly.”

Mondo nodded, and Taka left with that promise, wandering up and down the empty hall to search for signs of Mukuro. She seemed to have disappeared without a trace. Perhaps she had gone to use the bathroom…? Taka paused in front of the girls’ restrooms at the thought.

Almost on cue, the door swung open, and Mukuro’s face appeared. She jumped, and Taka let out a yelp. “U-Uh, I apologise, Miss Mukuro! I wasn’t…! I mean, I just happened to stop here, I didn’t mean to –!”

“It’s fine.” Her voice was quiet, cheeks pink and blotchy, and she moved so she was stood against the wall rather than blocking the bathroom doorway.

“I am so sorry for what transpired back there,” Taka started babbling. “I tried to stop the others from talking about it, but it seemed to be all they cared about. I should have kept the note hidden in my bag. Then Junko wouldn’t have said all those horrible things.”

“It’s fine,” Mukuro said again. It sounded flat. “She’s always been honest with me.”

“It wasn’t honest at all!” Taka retorted, appalled. “Not a word she said was true! You should never think so little of yourself like that!”

Mukuro hummed under her breath, and released a sigh. “...I’m working on it.” 

“I-I should thank you, by the way. For the chocolates.”

“You’re welcome.”

Goodness, if Taka thought he was bad at conversation, he had met his match. He swallowed. “Uh, out of curiosity, how did you get them into my locker?”

“Oh,” she shuffled her feet awkwardly. “I saw you enter the combination a couple of days ago and memorised it.”

Taka made the mental note to speak to maintenance about changing it. “I see.”

“Sorry.” Mukuro stared at the floor. “You’re probably disappointed they came from me.”

“No, not at all!” Taka shook his head, disagreeing forcefully. “Why would you think that?”

“Because I’m stupid and ugly,” she said candidly. “No one likes girls who are stupid and ugly.”

“You are neither of those things, Mukuro!” God, what kind of poison had Junko been filling this girl’s mind with? “As a matter of fact, learning my locker combination in order to surprise me proves that you are anything but stupid. Not to mention, you have very nice eyes, and the freckles around your nose make your face interesting.”

“Yeah, I know,” Mukuro mumbled. “I’ve tried to cover them, but…”

“No, I meant interesting in a good way.” Taka clarified immediately. “You’re not ugly at all, Mukuro. In fact, you’re very pretty! Not to mention extremely skilled in athleticism and technique. You are the Ultimate Soldier, after all.”

Mukuro looked startled, then uncomfortable, before a small smile graced her features. “Thank you. I… find your face interesting too.”

“Um. Thank you.” 

“But you don’t return my feelings, do you?”

Just this morning, Taka was thinking about the eligible girls in his class, and Mukuro was actually one of the few he thought he’d feel comfortable pursuing a relationship with. She was intelligent and pretty, and had a calm demeanour his other classmates didn’t all share. She was certainly too hard on herself, and clung onto every word of that vicious sister of hers, but that didn’t make her a bad person. If they were able to keep their distance from Junko, Taka was sure a relationship with Mukuro had the potential to be a successful one. He could speak to Mondo without wanting to puke when Saya’s name was brought up. It would almost be perfect. 

Taka didn’t like this.

“No, I don’t feel the same. I’m sorry.”

"I know." Mukuro nodded slowly, and her smile was sad. “Thank you for your honesty, Ishimaru,” was all she said before walking back to homeroom, disappearing inside and leaving Taka alone in the hall.

He exhaled slowly. That had been painful. He felt dirty. Making a list ranking the women in his class, even considering dating one to use her as a means of relieving his jealousy of his close friend… How could do something so shameful? That was the behaviour of a sleazy teenaged boy, not of the Ultimate Moral Compass. He didn’t like the person this feeling turned him into. It was making him ugly. 

And if he didn’t like Mukuro, who based on all available evidence he should have excellent chemistry with, what hope did he have with other girls? 

He recalled being aged thirteen, about the time when every other boy around him became crazy about romance, having crude discussions about measurements and peeking up skirts and bragging about their prowess in the art of seduction.

Taka would stare up at his ceiling at night, images of fantasy women flicking in front of his eyes. He begged his body to show him some sign of attraction. His pulse quickening, butterflies in his stomach, palm sweat, arousal, blushing. Anything at all that made him feel normal. Made him less like a freak.

But he felt nothing but sickly dread. It was as though he was screaming at a brick wall. No matter how hard he tried, he was completely unresponsive. Taka was so desperate to want a girlfriend that somewhere along the way, he had convinced himself that he one day would. He told himself he was just a late bloomer… All he had to do was endure being an outcast for a few more years, and then he’d like girls. Like everybody else did.

Taka pressed his back against the wall, and covered his eyes with his hands. He was seventeen years old, and no less of a freak than he was back then. He wasn’t like Makoto, or Leon or Mondo. He felt nothing towards the opposite gender, no matter how hard he tried. Women were kind and intelligent, and as friends he found them wonderful. But there was still no desire there. No attraction. 

Taka went back into homeroom, feeling everyone’s eyes on him and not saying a word. Mondo gave him a concerned look. The crease in his brow made Taka relax slightly, and he offered his friend a smile that in no way reflected his state of panic. His gaze landed on the back of Mukuro’s neck, dark hair just brushing her shoulders. Perhaps he… really never would be like the other boys in his class. Perhaps… he…

…He had a lot of thinking to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else used to pick and choose who to have a crush on before they realised they were gay? Yeah... 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope people are enjoying this story :)


	3. Valentine pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY, wow it's been a hot minute since this updated huh? Lot's of stuff going on recently (all my students in the UK know what's up), but I really wanted to get this update out. Thank you all so much for your support on previous chapters! I'm not very confident in my writing, so it's so lovely to have people take the time to leave kudos and comments :,) I appreciate you all. Please enjoy this update! Aromantic Hina makes me very happy <3

Jesus, that had been fucking rough.

Mondo sat bouncing his leg under the desk, trying to resist the urge to grab Enoshima by the pigtails and chuck her through an open window. He didn’t give a shit if she was a girl. Hell, she was barely even human the way she treated people. Mondo wasn’t exactly a saint, but he’d never said anything nearly as fucked up as the shit she threw around like it was nothing.

Her sister came back after a few minutes and took a seat at the front of class, with Taka following a moment later. He was frowning, clearly deep in thought. Mondo caught his eye over his shoulder, and got a wobbly smile in response.

“So what happened?” Mondo asked Taka after homeroom, struggling to keep up with his strides. His legs were a little shorter than Mondo’s, but the speed he walked up and down the school with was honestly impressive.

“What happened with what?” His voice was shaky. That was worrying.

“With Junko’s sister? Was it actually a prank or somethin’?” 

“N-No,” Taka said, cheeks bitten pink. Mondo caught himself smiling at the blush. It was a good colour on him. “Her feelings seemed genuine. Though I strongly suspect she would rather have been able to give chocolates to Makoto.” 

Mondo scowled. “Like hell she would! You’re a way better catch than that goody-two-shoes little dork.”

Taka gave him a flat look.

“There’s more to ya than that, okay?”

That earned him a laugh, and for a moment the lines on Taka’s forehead smoothed over. Mondo felt a little lighter. He’d never seen his bro get stressed out over a girl before. It was weird.

“So what?” Mondo began, trying to sound casual. “Are you two gonna go out?” 

“No. I made it clear that I was not interested.” Taka bit his lip, leaving a white spot on his usually red pout. “I hope I didn’t hurt her feelings any more than necessary.” 

Mondo released a breath, before laughing, putting an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “Man, that’s so you to be worrying about somethin’ like that. I’m sure you did just fine, kyoudai. She’s a tough chick, ain’t she?”

Taka went unusually stiff under his touch, and Mondo’s laugh faltered, almost taking his arm away. “Hey, you sure you’re good?”

“Yes, of course!” Taka exclaimed, at a volume that made Mondo doubt him. “Sorry. I’m just thinking.”

“About what? Junko’s sis?”

“Nothing important.” Taka stopped in the hallway suddenly, eyes fixed straight ahead. “I need to go to the library.”

“Huh?” Mondo blinked. “But we always spend this period together. You fallin’ behind with work somehow?” 

“No, I just...” His eyes were wide and intensely nervous. Something about it made Mondo ache. 

“Bro?”

“...I’m sorry.” Taka’s voice was quiet. “I can’t tell you.” 

Mondo thought for a moment, before smiling. “That’s cool. If you don’t wanna talk about it, we don’t gotta. But you better come get me the second you do, got it?” He ruffled Taka’s hair affectionately, and the other chuckled, but he still looked anxious. It wasn’t an expression he wore often. It felt wrong. 

“Thank you, kyoudai.” Taka relaxed, at least a little, before leaving him in the hall to head in the direction of the library. 

Mondo walked alone, watching him leave a little dumbly. He didn’t want to push or nothing, but Taka seemed almost scared. What was going on that was so serious, he couldn’t talk to Mondo about it? It had to be something bad, right? There’d be no other reason not to share it. Hell, they shared everything with each other! Was Taka being bullied again? Did he have some falling out with his dad? Maybe the thing with Junko rattled him more than he was letting on…?

Mondo grumbled under his breath, sitting down heavily next to Leon in the cafeteria. Shit, he was fussing over him so much, it was like he was his girlfriend. Taka could handle himself just fine. He was super gutsy, and way more confident than Mondo was, and if it was bullying then, hell, Taka was no slouch in the muscle department, he could probably give them a decent –

“Yo? Earth to Mondo?” Leon was waving a spoon in front of his face, and some yogurt landed on the tip of his nose. “You back with us?”

“See, I knew it.” Hiro was frowning intensely at a clear shard, stroking his chin. “Owada will soon be faced with unexpected difficulties’. That’s what my prediction said.”

Mondo wiped the yogurt on his sleeve, wrinkling his nose. “Your prediction didn’t say dick, and ya lookin’ at a piece of broken bottle.”

“Unexpected difficulties?” Leon waggled his eyebrows, the piercing shifting under his skin. “Trouble in paradise already? I told you I had the superior Sayaka.”

“Get fucked,” Mondo muttered and shoved his stupid face back when he started to lick his spoon in a grossly suggestive way.

“Oof, someone’s grouchy,” Hiro stuck out his bottom lip. “Your girlfriend’s out of town for Valentine’s right?”

Mondo blinked twice. “How the hell do you know that?”

Hiro leaned back in his chair, looking incredibly smug. “A clairvoyant never reveals his tricks.”

“So you heard me talkin’ to Taka?”

“Yep. I was right behind you.”

“Oh shit, yeah, what happened with that?” Leon whacked a hand against Mondo’s shoulder. “You gotta give us the deets. What went down with him and Ikusaba?”

“Never say _deets_ ever fucking again,” Mondo folded his arms and scowled at him from beneath his pompadour. “And there ain’t nothing to tell.”

“There isn’t?” Leon asked, disappointed. There was an unnatural thunk when Hiro threw his bag on the table, stuffing the glass shard inside. Jesus, what did he have in that thing? “Aren’t they dating now?”

“Nah, Taka turned her down. I dunno why, he didn’t tell me shit. He was acting super weird when I asked about it.”

“Ah, that’s why you’re being all spacey!” Leon nodded, understanding. “You’re all mother hen over your little kyoudai. That’s so cute!”

“I ain’t a goddamn mother hen, and I sure as fuck ain’t _cute_ , you stupid lump of fuckin’ metal!” Mondo barked, grabbing Leon by his lapels. The cafeteria went silent, but Mondo glared over his shoulder, and the students’ conversations immediately started back up again.

“Woah, chill Mon!” Leon eased his hands off his jacket, smoothing out the fabric with a shrug. “Jesus, I was just screwing with you.”

“Sorry,” Mondo mumbled against his fist, slumping back into his chair. “I am worried about him, alright? I’ve heard horror stories about the kinda shit kids did to him back in the day, and now he’s bein’ all cagey with me…”

“You think Taka’s getting bullied?” Leon’s lip curled while Hiro rifled through his seemingly bottomless backpack. “Come on, there’s no way! Everyone knows you two are tight; you’d bury them for even looking sideways at the guy.”

Mondo huffed when Hiro started swinging a trinket around above the table. “Yeah, probably not. But what else could it be? He’s been really off since like, a week ago when I went to some art show he wanted to see. Maybe I pissed him off because I got tickets and I didn’t even give a – Hiro, what the fuck are ya doin’?”

Hiro’s fluffy head looked up from some crystal on a chain, hanging between his fingers. “I’m helping you out! The pendulum says Ishi’s not being bullied. Something else is up.”

Leon sighed in mock relief. “Well shit, if the _pendulum_ says so it must be true! Hey, can you ask it what’s gonna be on my math quiz next period?”

“Sure thing. That’ll be ten thousand yen.”

“What!? You just did Mondo’s for free!”

“Wait, shut it,” Mondo leaned forward in his chair. “It’s not bullies? Then what’s up with him? Did I do something wrong?”

Hiro stared intensely at the swinging pendulum. “It’s not you that’s wrong, no… in fact… it may be that it’s you who’s right…”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Leon threw his hands up in irritation. “No fair, now he got two fortunes!”

“If you want one, it’s ten thousand yen,” Hiro repeated.

“Why is he getting all the freebies!?”

“Ugh, who gives a crap? His predictions are all horseshit anyways!” Mondo smacked Leon from behind the head, clattering to his feet. “I ain’t got time for this. I gotta go call Saya.”

“Ooh, send my love!” Leon crooned as he sauntered off, with Hiro making exaggerated kissing noises. Mondo flipped them both off, his phone starting to buzz just as he left the cafeteria.

“Hey there, loser!” Saya’s voice came, loud and clear.

Mondo snorted. “Hey yourself. Happy Valentine’s.”

“And happy Valentine’s to you.” She chuckled down the line. “Sorry I had to leave town so fast. My friend’s going through a rough break up, and she needed me here.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I know how it is.” Mondo would do anything for his friends. If someone like Chihiro, or even if dumbass Leon needed him, he’d drop everything to come running. Shit, if it was Taka, he’d probably swim the fucking Pacific to get to his side. “It’s just a dumb holiday. We can go out any day, right?”

“Totally!” She sighed. “Thanks for being so cool with this, man. I gotta go before my girl starts crying again. Let’s talk later, yeah?”

“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll call you tonight?”

“Awesome. See ya!”

“Later, Saya.”

Mondo hung up, stuffing his phone into his pocket with a smile. It felt easy to talk to Saya. She was so nice and laidback, and didn’t make him nervous in the way most other girls did. And he was so glad they weren’t one of those clingy couples who always had to be together, or flipped out over missing a single Valentine’s. Mondo felt like he could totally relax around her. Not to mention she was a total cutie. Definite plus.

Through the library window, Mondo suddenly saw Taka at a computer, pen poised to write in his notebook but sat perfectly still, teeth just catching his bottom lip. He looked stressed, and something in Mondo felt like it was twisting. All he wanted to do was magically make it all better and make that stiff posture of his ease up a little. He couldn’t do that if Taka wouldn’t even tell him what was going on!

Mondo thought briefly back to Hiro’s prediction at the cafeteria table. What had he said? That Mondo hadn’t done something wrong, but right? Something like that?

Ugh, that dumbass never made any sense.

“Come on, for real, though,” Leon scowled at Hiro. “You’re not even gonna send him a bill?

Hiro just shrugged, drumming his fingers against the table. “Nope. Those were on me.”

“I thought fortune telling was your only gig!” He pouted. “Ain’t you ever heard the quote ‘if you’re good at something, you don’t do it for free’? It’s Shakespeare or some shit.”

“It’s Batman, and I don’t follow any advice from dudes in clown make-up, alright? They give me the jeebies!” There was a pause where he swung the pendulum back and forth in his hand. “And I feel sorry for the guy. Mondo’s a man in love, y’know?”

“Yeah, man, we know,” Leon rolled his eyes. “But we all got girlfriends! Why don’t I get a freebie for mine?”

Hiro shrugged, smiling mischievously. “Sorry. That’s a secret I will take to my grave.” He’d decided not to mention that his prediction about Mondo had been a lot more specific than he’d let on.

They may only be thirty-percent accurate, but from the way he was flapping over his precious hall monitor, Hiro was sure this one had hit the bullseye.

Taka read the same sentence for the tenth time, before dropping his face into his hands.

There was no way he could focus like this. His notes were all jumbled, the light from the monitor was giving him a headache, and the background noise of typing and chatter certainly wasn’t helping matters. He couldn’t just hide in the library every time Mondo wanted to spend time with him, especially if his mind kept drifting back to the weight of his arm around his shoulders, or that concerned pinch in his brow when Taka told him nothing was wrong. He’d wanted to run his thumb across it to smooth it out, or crack a bad joke to make him smile, or perhaps…

A familiar ringtone made him snap out of that line of thinking, and he was grateful for it.

“Hey yourself,” came Mondo’s voice. It was quieter than the muttering in the library, but Taka heard it above everyone else. Where was it coming from? Then he noticed the window leading into the hall, open just a crack for air circulation, where Mondo stood on his phone, wearing a crooked grin. Who was he talking to? “Happy Valentine’s.”

His girlfriend. Of course.

Taka shouldn’t be listening to this. This was a private conversation, and he was not about to start eavesdropping. He would not fall that far from his status as Moral Compass, even if his standards had been slipping a little lately.

“Nah, it’s cool. I know how it is.”

Okay, technically, this was not eavesdropping. Mondo was speaking rather loudly, and he was in a public place. Taka was not actively listening in, he was just… not working very hard not to.

“It’s just a dumb holiday. We can go out any day, right?”

Yes, it was a dumb holiday! He couldn’t agree more! Valentine’s day was an impersonal, corporate invention. If you truly love somebody, you shouldn’t need a holiday to remind them of that fact. It should be continuous.

“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll call you tonight?”

When was the last time he and Mondo spoke on the phone, Taka found himself wondering. Mondo would occasionally text him during lessons, no matter how many times he was chastised for it. Taka would never let on that he actually enjoyed knowing his kyoudai was thinking of him during the day, even enough to send a message. Even if that message was just ‘BORED’ with an angry face, or a picture of a dog captioned with a dozen exclamation marks. It would be nice to speak to Mondo on the phone, Taka decided, even if they did see each other on almost a daily basis. He hoped he would call him sometime.

“Later, Saya.”

Ah, right. Mondo wasn’t talking to him.

Taka stared at the computer screen blankly, holding his pen so tight he feared it may shatter in his hand. He caught himself biting his lip, and stopped before he drew blood. It wouldn’t do to walk around with a cut all day. The library felt stiflingly hot, all of a sudden. Was it hot? The air felt heavy, like a blanket around his head, making his lungs burn and ache for fresh air, suffocating him slowly as his heart started to hammer inside his chest.

Gathering his things as quickly as he could without making a scene, Taka closed down his computer, gripping his bag tightly as he made his way out of the library, and into the narrow hallway.

He walked with no real direction, putting one foot in front of the other automatically, until he found himself outside in a courtyard. It was empty, save for one figure on a bench playing with their phone, and Taka took a deep breath, steadying himself against the wall. Why did this keep happening? One moment he was fine, and the next he couldn’t bear to stay in that room a second longer!

A breeze rustled the trees that kept the yard in partial shadow, blocking out sunlight that was quite unnatural for this time of year. Taka had always liked this area of the school. The flowers and plants were well maintained by the gardening club, and since students preferred to meet in the game room, it was usually empty, giving him space to breathe and spend some time by himself. Not that he didn’t like having friends now, but he did crave silence sometimes. Taka’s classmates were not the most low-key people.

And speaking of, he suddenly realised who it was sat on the far bench. “Hina?”

Hina’s head snapped up from her phone, immediately smiling and patting the seat next to her. “Taka! Happy Valentine’s Day! Hold on, hold on…” She suddenly held up a finger, rummaging in her school bag, before pulling out a small bar of chocolate. “There you go! I got one for all the boys in our class, but between you and me?” She winked. “You’re my favourite.”

Taka chuckled at that, sitting down beside her. “Thank you, Hina. Although I do not encourage the ranking of your classmates.”

“Oh, they don’t care,” she waved a hand dismissively. “Makoto’s cool I guess, but Byakuya didn’t even look twice at the one I gave him, just dropped it in his briefcase. And then Leon started offering all the girls ‘kisses’, before saying he meant Hershey’s Kisses and we were all the ones being dirty minded!” Her face wrinkled in disgust, making a gagging noise. “The ego on that guy! I mean, can you imagine wanting a kiss from him?”

Taka shuddered at the thought. “No, I cannot.”

Hina huffed, folding her arms. “Ugh, I guess he makes Sayaka happy,” she drawled. “That’s all that matters.”

“Yes it is,” he agreed instinctively, though he wasn’t really listening.

“Hey?” There was a hand on his shoulder, and Taka jumped. Hina took it back like she’d been burned. “Uh, sorry. Are you okay? You seem tense. Like, more so than usual.”

“O-Of course I’m okay!” He sat up straighter and tried to smile, illustrating his point. “I’m just a little high strung. As hall monitor, Valentine’s is a particularly busy day for me.”

“Yeah, I can imagine,” Hina smirked, quirking a brow. “And a little birdie told me you’re a bit of a heartbreaker this year. Is it true you really spurned Mukuro?”

“I…!” Taka’s mouth hung open slightly, and his cheeks were hot. “I did not _spurn_ her! I simply told her respectfully that I did not return her romantic feelings!”

“Taka,” she gave him a flat look, “that is spurning.”

He groaned. “I know. I’m terrible, aren’t I?”

“Aw, don’t be silly.” Hina nudged his arm, offering him a supportive smile. “Let’s be real, we all know she only sent you a Valentine because Makoto is with Kyoko now.” There was a pause. “Um, not that you’re not… I mean, you’re a total hottie!”

“Please stop.”

“No, you are! Your nose is all cute and pink, and you’ve got nice hands, and your smile is so bright and sunny –!”

“Please.” He said more forcefully. “Stop it.” Taka knew he had gone embarrassingly red. He wasn’t used to compliments on his appearance, much less ones that were offered so openly. It almost sounded like she was being genuine.

“Okay, okay,” Hina giggled. “I’m sorry. You’re just so easy to tease. It’s sweet.”

Taka bit the inside of his cheek. “Hina?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you like to date me?”

The question left his mouth before he could stop it. Hina was the girl he was closest to in his class. She had interesting hobbies, she was intelligent, funny, popular, and Taka now knew she at least found him attractive aesthetically speaking. There was no reason why he shouldn’t ask her out. He didn’t hate the idea of Hina being his girlfriend.

The girl herself blinked three times with those huge eyes of hers, before shaking her head rapidly, as if trying to get his words to stick. “Wait, what?”

“Would you like to date me?” Taka repeated himself in the same even tone. “I’m sorry, is that an uncomfortable question?”

“I…” Her mouth opened and closed a few times. “No, no, I’m not uncomfortable, I’m just…” Hina’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Do you want me to date you?”

Taka rose his brows at that, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. “I’m not sure,” he confessed, mumbling faintly. “I’ve been very confused recently.”

“About me?”

“About a lot of things.”

Hina took a second to search his eyes, before releasing a short laugh. “Taka, do you really like me in that way? As in, more than a friend way?”

“I don’t know.” He was ashamed to admit. “I don’t know how to tell! Makoto kept telling me that crushes are obvious when you have them and you can’t plan feelings, they just happen, but it’s not happening for me! I do know that I like you, and logically, it would make sense if I had a crush on you. If we were to date, I’m sure that I could make my feelings grow over time if you were interested.”

“You’re telling me that you would go out with someone, even if you didn’t really want to?”

“No, I’m… I’m saying I could want to, if that’s what they wanted me to want.” Hina stared at him like he’d grown a second head, before sighing heavily and pinching the bridge of her nose. “Hina?”

“Alright buddy,” she rubbed her hands together, giving him a very serious look through her eyebrows. “I’m gonna help you out, but only if you one, give me your permission first, and two, swear not to give me detention after.”

Taka looked alarmed. “Are you going to hit me?”

“No Taka, I’m gonna kiss you.” Hina said bluntly. “If you’re okay with it, and if I don’t have to lose an hour after school for PDA on campus.”

“Oh. I see.” Taka felt his brow furrow even further than usual, weighing his options. He didn’t… not want to kiss Hina. The idea didn’t make him feel terrible, not like the thought of kissing Leon did. “Alright. I consent.”

“No detention?”

“No detention.”

At his promise, Hina nodded resolutely, before placing her hands on his shoulders. She leaned in slowly, and Taka went a little cross-eyed trying to maintain eye contact. Then their lips met, and he let his eyes shut, taking a sharp breath through his nose. His arms hung by his sides uselessly, and he wondered if he was supposed to be holding her shoulders as well. Should he be breathing? It didn’t feel right that he wasn’t. He hoped Hina wasn’t holding her breath too… of course, as a swimmer, she probably knew much more about breathing techniques than he did. All athletes did, but swimmers in particular must need –

Oh. The kiss was over.

Taka opened his eyes, and Hina was smiling. “How was that?”

“I…” He shifted. “I don’t know.”

“See?” She punched his arm lightly, giggling. “If you wanted to date me, you definitely would have liked that a lot more! Now you know you don’t!”

Taka felt almost disappointed. “Then what happens now?”

“Now, you can stop thinking about me, and go ask someone out you’re actually interested in.” Hina tilted her head in thought. “You know, I might know someone to set you up with –”

“Did I do that wrong?” Taka interrupted.

She paused. “Huh?”

“The kiss. I did it wrong, didn’t I?”

Hina’s face crumpled a little in disbelief. “I mean… no, not really. I’ve had way worse. You were a little stiff, I guess, but other than that…” She trailed off, eyes widening in horror. “Oh my God. Oh my God, I’m so stupid. Taka, tell me that wasn’t your _first_ kiss!”

He blinked. “Yes?”

Hina gasped dramatically, hands flying to her mouth. “Crap, I am so sorry! I never would have offered if I’d known, I swear!”

Taka frowned. “Why not? Is there some kind of rule about that?”

“Uh, yeah!?” She looked at him like it was obvious. “Your first kiss is supposed to be a big moment, and I totally robbed you of that!”

“There’s no need to apologise, Hina, really!” He held up his hands defensively. “I-If anything, the fault is with me for not knowing the correct social convention!”

“Man…” Hina exhaled heavily, flopping back against the bench with a bump that sounded painful. “Did it at least clear anything up for you? The kiss, I mean?”

“No,” Taka replied honestly. His voice was quiet. “In fact, it made everything even more confusing.”

A smaller hand found his, cupping it lightly before squeezing. “It’s fine to not like being kissed, y’know. You’re probably just not a romantic person. Not everybody is.”

“But I want to be!” Taka said, hanging his head. “I want to fall in love, and I want someone to love me as well. It’s not fair.” His voice started to shake as his eyes welled up with tears. “Why does everybody else get to feel that when I don’t?”

Hina reached into her pocket for a tissue, and there was a stretch of silence between them while Taka wiped his eyes, sniffling gently.

“You know, I don’t feel that.” Hina admitted once he’d collected himself. “I’ve never liked anyone, and I know I never will. Romance and stuff just never sat right with me. I’ve been out with people before, and it all felt like… how you described dating me. Like it was something I had to do, not something I _wanted_. It wasn’t for me, and that’s okay. It’s not a bad thing.”

He took a second to think. “You think I may be the same as you?”

Hina hesitated, before wincing. “…I don’t think so. It’s similar, but I never wanted a relationship. It seems like you genuinely do.”

“T-Then what is wrong with me!?” Taka exclaimed suddenly, turning where he sat so he could face Hina fully. “Why can’t I want a girlfriend? Why do none of my feelings make any logical sense? Nobody has been able to help me, and none of my research has given me a satisfactory answer! I-I just want… I just want to be happy for my friend!”

Hina’s eyes were wide at his outburst, searching his face intensely, before she brightened with a small smile. “… _Oh_. Oh, this is about Mondo, isn’t it?”

Taka flinched, cheeks colouring and turning his head so he could stare at his feet.

“I hate that he has a girlfriend,” he confessed in a rush. “I wish I didn’t, but I do. She doesn’t just make me ‘uncomfortable’, and she’s not someone I’ll just get used to with time. Every time I remember he’s dating someone, I want to cry and hide under my covers and stay there until everyone has forgotten I ever even existed!”

Goodness, out loud it sounded even worse than it was. Taka scanned the courtyard quickly, ensuring there was no one who could have overheard – someone in their class or, God forbid, Mondo himself. They were alone. He exhaled in relief.

When he looked back at Hina, she was still smiling softly. Her thumb stroked the back of his hand in circles. Taka blinked, confused. “W-What? What’s funny?”

“Nothing,” was all she said, steeling her expression so she was straight-faced. “I’m not laughing. Sorry.”

“Then what is it?”

“Look,” Hina said quietly. “I was hoping you would come up with this yourself, and I wouldn’t have to say anything because you’re crazy smart and just needed a little nudge in the right direction. But I forgot book smart isn’t street smart, and all this social stuff is new to you and…” She shrugged, shaking her head. “I’m gonna throw you a bone, alright?”

“Hina, what on Earth are you talking about?”

“Taka.” Hina’s smile returned, although she spoke very carefully. “You hate that Mondo is dating someone because you’re jealous.”

He sighed. “Makoto told me the same thing. But I’m starting to think he was wrong –”

“No, dude,” she stopped him by looping their arms together. “I don’t think it’s Mondo you’re jealous of. I think it’s his girlfriend.”

W… “What?”

“You don’t see yourself with a girlfriend, but you know you want a romantic relationship someday. Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“I…”

“Clearly you didn’t get much out of me kissing you, but what if I was Mondo? What if instead of dating this Saya girl, he was dating you?”

If…? But that would…! He wouldn’t –!

“I’m not trying to push you, Ishi, and if I’m wrong feel free to correct me or tell me I’m an ass or whatever.” Hina squeezed his hand and his bicep at the same time, lips curled in an excited grin. “But think about it. What makes most logical sense here? What’s something that would answer all of your problems?”

Taka didn’t want a girlfriend because he wasn’t attracted to girls.

That was one thing he knew Hina was getting at, and one that he had to admit made a great deal of sense. It was something he must have been at least half aware of, somewhere in his subconscious. It just wasn’t something that had ever occurred to him. If someone had proposed the possibility earlier, Taka most likely would have come to the conclusion on his own years ago. It felt right to him.

So if Taka wasn’t attracted to women, then… he…

_‘You didn’t get much out of me kissing you, but what if I was Mondo?’_

Oh dear God.

“Taka?” Hina looked at him in concern. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have got so personal. I haven’t upset you have I?” He was staring at nothing, eyes wide. “A-Are you okay there, buddy?” She nudged his shoulder.

Taka took a breath, returned to reality, and looked at her with an unreadable expression, before his lips parted in a soft but deliberate, “ _Fuck_.”


End file.
